Friday, July 21, 2006

Brief moments of Lucidity - stumbling thru the Fog

I feel like most of my life is stumbling thru a Fog. The Fog is always there, even though we don't often notice it.

The Fog keeps us just going thru the motions. Working paying bills, eating sleeping.

But not really living. Most of what we do isn't life. It isn't community. It's pseudo Life half life almost life.

Need your 'spiritual fix'? Well, God forbid you should help at a shelter visit old folks in their nursing homes or feed the homeless. Forget about volunteering with Habitat for Humanity or getting to know the folk in your neighborhood.

Just go to a 'church'. There your money will go to some over paid peacock - some professional christian who will use your funds to build his Empire. I know of some of these places where the pastors makes at least 150,000... and the facility is 2 million dollars. Hell, it's 5 K a week just to keep the utilities burning.

You can guarantee your 'tithe' goes to the upkeep of this Empire. Surely it's not going to the poor and needy.

I have brief moments of Lucidity. I wake from the Fog. I find myself on the couch watching some TV show feeling emotions about characters played on a flat screen.. while the wife is either watching with me or falling asleep in the chair next to me. And the Jade is either in another room watching another TV or on one of our two computers..

(do you ever notice, no one on the TV is watching TV -- or not for long. Notice how we watch those who seemingly have a life - while ours passes by)

And I think... Why? What are we doing?

Why arn't we

Reading together, taking a walk, making a puzzle, interacting. Why are the hours and days and months just passing by.. how did this Fog this pseudo life get so damn strong?!

I want to have real community. I want to BE the Church. I want to talk to people face to face, in a pub over darts (double in double out)...

I want to make a difference with my life.

I want to feel that I LIVED! And during these moments of Lucidity.. I want to sell the TV's

Sell the computers

Turn off the cable

And Do something besides stumble thru the Fog and wake up not even knowing I've lived let alone died.

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