Tuesday, February 22, 2005

Birth & Death Fear - Not being wanted....

I was not wanted at birth. My mother was 15 years old when an older married man she was with got her pregnant. I was the result of that union. I was given up for adoption at age 3 and taken in by my mother's Aunt & Uncle.

Later, after my (adopted) dad passed away, it ws made known to me that I was adopted so that the 'problem' (me) would be kept in the family. I believe that knowing that I wasn't wanted (and I believe I knew this in the womb) has led me to fear my being 'accepted' in Heaven.

Luke 12:32 is a great comfort to me:

"Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father's good pleasure to give you the kingdom"

Something else that was very healing, is this 'excerpt' that I want to post this, it is from a book by Henri Nouwen. Inner Voice of Love is the book.

Know That You are Welcome

"Not being welcome is your greatest fear. It connects with your birth fear, your fear of not being welcome in this life, and your death fear, your fear of not being welcome in the life after this. It is the deep-seated fear that it would have been better if you had not lived.

Here you are facing the core of the spiritual battle. Are you going to give into the forces of darkness that say you are not welcome in this life, or can you trust the voice of the One who came not to condemn you but to set you free from fear? You have to choose for life. At every moment you have to decide to trust the voice that says, "I love you. I knit you together in your mother's womb" (Psalm 139:13).

Everything Jesus is saying to you can be summarized in the words "Know that you are welcome." Jesus offers you his own most intimate life with the Father. He wants you to know all he knows and to do all he does. He wants his home to be yours. Yes, he wants to prepare a place for you in His Father's House."


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